Christmas talk

 I am giving a talk in sacrament meeting today. Normally I don't "write" a talk but share remarks as prompted by the Spirit. Today, for whatever reason, I wrote the talk and printed it. I felt that I would include it here as a way to record my testimony.

When brother Stockham called and asked if I would speak today, I asked him if there was a topic that he wanted me to speak on. He indicated that there wasn’t a specific topic but reminded me that today is the last Sunday before Christmas. As I have pondered what I might say I was led by the Spirit to read through the talks given at the recent Christmas devotional. Sister Craven shared personal experiences from her childhood and about heavenly hugs extended to her family in answer to a fervent prayer. Elder Nielson shared the experiences of his father who had been deprived of Christmas for 3 years as he served in the military during World War II. Elder Holland recounts the nativity scene and reminds us of how often revelation comes in the form of a dream of the night. President Nelson shared a video of an adorable little girl, Claire Crosby, singing Silent Night while he played the piano and reminded us of the divine gifts that are given so freely by our Father in Heaven. As I thought about these talks and what I might say today my mind went back to some of my Christmas memories, the Spirit whispered to me, interestingly enough, during several nights this past week to share those experiences and make my remarks personal.

One memorable Christmas experience was when a friend of mine, Rick Gerisolli who was serving in the bishopric at the time used “The Living Christ” as a talk for Christmas. He had been participating with the young men in the ward by memorizing The Living Christ and as he recited it he replace “I” inserting himself into it like we are encouraged to do with the scriptures. I have not memorized The Living Christ but would like to read some of it personalizing it.

“As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, [I] offer [my] testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.

He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made” (John 1:3). Though sinless, He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38), yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.

He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.

[I] solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.”….  

My earliest childhood memory of Christmas is from when I was about 5 years old. Each year in Santa Clara Utah there is a Christmas Eve program. The program started out as a primary activity when Santa Clara only had one ward, as the town grew and the wards multiplied the program became a community event that still takes place today. The script of the little play is different every year, different families take turns being in charge and each year the family in charge writes the play. Although the script is different each year the elements are same, each age group of kids learn a song to sing from nursery age all the way up to 12 years old. There are songs about missing front teeth, Santa Claus coming to town and getting nothing for Christmas. 2 elements are always included, most importantly the nativity scene is always portrayed, and after the closing prayer there is always a “special” visitor. Once the closing prayer has been offered everyone in attendance sings Jingle Bells as loud as they can to summon the special visitor. Sometimes he comes the first time, sometimes we would have to try and sing again. When Santa Claus arrives, he is brought to front and center on the stage where he has a gift for all of the kids in attendance. As a 5-year-old this is the climax of the evening and what I was waiting for. This particular night I received a rather large package, and as I carried it off of the stage, because of its size and shape I knew with certainty what was in the package. When I set it on the floor and began to unwrap it, I started to exclaim that this is exactly what…. As I uttered the word what I got my first glimpse of what was inside the package, my brain quickly sent a message to my mouth and changed what I was saying mid-sentence because of the new information that it now had and I finished my sentence …. I didn’t want…. Everyone got a good laugh about the statement; the story has been told many times over the years. As I have pondered this Christmas event, I realize that of all of the years that I attended the Christmas Eve program as a child and later with my brother’s kids and my own kids that this particular gift is the only one that I remember. My exclamation that it was exactly what I didn’t want is not what I find significant about the gift. What I find significant is that of all of the Christmas gifts I received as a child I remember this one. I remember what it was, and I remember playing with it. It was a gift given by those who knew me, knew my interests and knew that it was something that I would enjoy.

Another Christmas gift that I remember very clearly came a few years later. I was maybe 10 at the time and enjoyed taking things apart and putting them back together. I had asked for my own tool set and that Christmas morning I awoke to find exactly what I wanted under the tree. These were not toy tools, this was a real mechanic’s tool set. Most of the tools from that set I still have to this day. I put them to use, I took apart and fixed my bike. I learned how to fix the lawn mower, I later learned to work on cars. As I learned I have added to the tools set expanding it. The brethren in the ward who helped us move into our home a year ago can testify to how the tool set has grown. As it grew so did my ability. I worked in automotive shops through high school and took a job as a mechanic at a gold mine after my mission. As I was thinking about these two gifts form my childhood, I found an analogy in them that ties them back to the gospel. The gifts can be likened to answers to prayers. Answers that are gifts from a loving Heavenly Father. Sometimes when we pray, and we are earnestly seeking an answer, the answer that we get is “exactly what I didn’t want”. Our Heavenly Father who knows us better than we know ourselves will sometimes answer our prayers in a way that is unexpected or in a way that is not what we were seeking. If we will accept the answer, the gift He offers, will bless our lives. Much like the gift that I got when I was 5. I exclaimed while opening the gift that it was “exactly what I didn’t want”, however, my words in the moment were not communicating what my actual thought was. The actual thought was, “this is not what I thought it was going to be” As I accepted the gift, played with it, enjoyed it, it became one of the few that I remember through the years, the gift that was “exactly what I didn’t want” was a gift given by those who knew me better than I knew myself. I can still recall this gift when there are so many others that I have no lasting memory of.

The tool set was a different experience. It was exactly what I wanted and had been asking for. Like the prayer that is offered with real intent and purpose, where we have studied and pondered what we really want and how it will apply in our lives. I was blessed with an answer that I put to use. As I used the tools, I learned new things, I added to the tool set and as I did so I gained new abilities and skills. The purpose of the tools and the enjoyment and blessing I get from them is different than the blessing of the toy. The tool kit too was given with love by those who know me well.

At this Christmas time may we remember the gifts that have been given by our loving Heavenly Father, the gift of His Son and by our Savior the gift of the atonement. May we remember the gifts we receive on a daily basis, the ones that come to us in night dreams, through study of the scriptures, or listening to a talk. May we remember the gift given at baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost. May we remember that we are entitled to have His Spirit to be with us always. My we remember the gift of a living prophet to guide us and who blesses us, literally. I will end by quoting President Nelson’s blessing that he closed his Christmas Devotional remarks with. Quote “May you and your families be blessed with peace, with an increased ability to hear the voice of the Lord, and receive revelation with an enhanced capacity to feel how much our Father and His Son love you, care for you, and are ready to guide all who seek after Them. I join my words with those of Moroni and “commend you to seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, … may be and abide in you forever.” Close quote. I pray with President Nelson that this blessing might be received and accepted in our lives, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

2020

2020 has been a real bummer of a year. We just went through an awful election cycle and unless some kind of miracle happens Biden is our new president. I think the only reason for that is due to so many people voting Biden even though they don't like him but because they hate Trump more. There are a lot of conservatives who didn't vote, voted Biden or some other alternative simply because they hate Trump and didn't want to vote for him. That is not the best way to decide who to vote for in my opinion.

I am also tiered of the COVID19 stuff. I am now working for a place that has a mask mandate. I won't even get started on what I think of that. What a joke. This year has just been one joke after another. I am ready for it to be over.   

Cow Chips: Mangers

 It has been over 11 years since I wrote anything related to my stories about cows, I believe I started this project in 2008, and first published the stories on my blog in 2009. This morning, and I mean morning, it is 3:40am, I was in bed awake, unable to go back to sleep and thinking about Cow Chips, thinking about my stories about cows and mangers.... I have a Cow Chips heading called "licking the manger clean", however, this post is more about the structure of the manger itself than about the cows. To explain I will have to give some background about our feed lot. 

Our feed lot was set up with 3 sets of mangers to feed the cows. In the front were the silage mangers, they ran the length of the feed lot and were made out of concrete. They were solid, unmovable and by far the area of our coral system that required the least amount of maintenance.  The back mangers were our hay mangers which included the smaller pen / mangers where we could feed the calves away  from the cows so that they could get a fair share and not be trampled. These mangers were made from wood.... I feel some explanation about the wood and or materials these mangers are made from is necessary. Our corals were built from materials that can be described as #1 cheap, and #2 what was available. The lumber used to build them was obtained from the local lumber yard and consisted of boards of various different sizes that were warped, split or otherwise unusable for the construction of homes or buildings. The lumber yard would take these construction rejects, stuff that a contractor would not accept or use and throw them into a pile of boards. When the lumber yard had a good sized pile they would call and we would go and pick them up, purchasing the pile at a fraction of the cost of buying quality lumber. We would then use this mismatched pile of boards to build and repair corrals and mangers. Repair of mangers and corrals also included salvaging anything that we could find that would make it so that we didn't have to go and get as many new boards out of our pile. This included saving nails, dad had a bucket full of old nails that had been pulled out and saved. On many occasions we would spend more time taking broken boards apart, pulling nails and piecing them back together again using old nails that we had to straighten so that we could hammer them back in than we would spend actually making a repair. "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" was the moto around our farm and ranch. 

The coral configuration had the concrete manger in the front that ran the length of all the corals, with a single fence in between each corral in the front closest to the concrete mangers. The corrals were in pairs and there was a water trough set in between each pair of corrals in the middle of this fence so that there was one water trough for 2 corrals. On the back side the corrals separated to accommodate a single hay stack in between the 2 corrals forming an L shape on one side and a backwards L shape on the other. Each corral had a hay manger along the area where the hay stack was.  These hay mangers were not concrete, they were made entirely from the assorted lumber I described above. 

I describe all of this because it is the mangers that I am writing about. When they were first built they were straight, as in the fences stood straight vertically as well as being in a straight line. I was not around when they were new and so all I can remember is the hay mangers being in some form of disrepair, leaning heavily toward the hay stacks and in a slight zig zag line along their length. This is what was on my mind early this morning, the process of how these mangers got to be in this state. Here is where the cows come into the story. In an earlier section I tell about how the cows will lick the manger clean, they will stretch and strain to reach every last little flake of hay that they can get to. Thinking about the corrals my brother built when he moved the feed lot to Ivins, what he did different and ways the difference can be used as a life analogy is what had my mind going this morning so that I couldn't sleep. The mangers I grew up with that my dad and uncles built were short on the outside of the corral. They had a short board, just high enough to keep the cows from pushing the hay off of the back side. My brother on the other hand, built mangers with a taller piece of corrugated metal on the out side, tall enough that when the cows put their head into the manger they can't see over it. The effect is revealed in the condition of the corrals. The old feed lot mangers have fences that are leaning heavily toward the hay stack, posts that are pushing out of the ground, boards that are bowed and warped and broken from constant strain. My brother's corral fences remain straight. Because the cows can see what is beyond the manger at the old feed lot they will persistently stain against the manger fence, 15 to 20 cows 1800 to 2500 pounds each applying steady pressure against a barrier to reach what they can see just beyond will cause even the strongest fence to lean, warp, and break over time. Where as my brother's manger, where the cows can easily reach everything they can see will not apply that steady pressure against the manger fence. Another interesting observation is related to the concrete mangers. Even though they were low on the outside and the cows could see over them, they were built of a stronger material that was unmovable, therefore, we did not have the same leaning bowing effect on the manger fence with these mangers because of their construction. 

There are many analogies that can be derived from this observation about our farm and the cows. If you constantly and consistently push the boundaries, the commandments, you will eventually break them. The concrete mangers were like building on a sure foundation or "rock" and were therefore better able to withstand the constant pressure applied by the cows in a way that the wooden mangers were not able to bear. Interestingly enough, the posts of the wooden mangers were set in sand and therefore had a "sandy" foundation making them more susceptible to the forces that constantly beat against them. The concrete mangers are an example of how taking the extra time and effort necessary to build something will make it last longer. The cows constantly pushing against the manger to reach those fleeting little bits of hay can be related to us when we push boundaries for things of this world that are not eternal and that are here today and gone tomorrow.

As is always the case I am not certain that all of what I was thinking this morning has been portrayed accurately in what I have written here. It is early, and I am feeling the tiredness of being up far too early. I will leave it to the reader to draw conclusions from my thoughts about mangers and cows. I hope that these personal conclusions will provide insights that will help those who read in some small way. I am trying to incorporate President Eyring's insight that he shared in 2007 where he shares about a time he had an impression that the Lord was speaking to his mind saying "I'm not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down."     

Time for an update

I was just looking at the blog itself.... I think that it is time for some updates. The pictures are really old..... There are so many thing that has happened since I wrote last, 4 missionaries, high school graduations, college students, Joe my youngest is a senior. We have moved multiple times as well. This could possibly be a way for the family to keep up with what is going on in our lives.... sort of like the weekly email. 

Today I have a little bit of a cough and have not been feeling great the last couple of days so I decided to stay home from church. I don't think that I am sick with COVID but, I know that people get nervous when you cough, and so I am at home while my family is at church. Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow after a day of rest. That is the idea I guess. 

Thinking about my journals

 The last couple of weeks I have been thinking about my journals that I have kept over the years. This blog is one of them. As I was thinking about things I have written in the past I thought about the stories that I had written about the cows and the fact that I lost the thumb drive that they were stored on. I remembered posting them on this blog and checked to see if I still have access to it, which to my delight I still do. I am glad that the stories I wrote are still here, that they were not lost with the thumb drive, another reason to keep a journal, and to keep it in more than one format. Barb and I talked about what we would do if our home burned down, related to things we would like to change about our current home. As I thought about this loosing the home doesn’t necessarily concern me, yes it would be a difficult trial, however, as I think about that possibility the items that would be devastating to lose are things like our journals. Of all of the possessions I can think of that I would really hate to lose, journals, family videos, pictures, this type of things are the ones that would make me the most sad to lose. When my mom’s basement flooded, those are the things that we lost that were the hardest.... for example, all of the letters that I wrote on my mission are all gone, along with the letters that I received from my family. Today, with e-mail, many if not all of those letters would have been preserved, at least all of the electronic letters. This blog would survive such an event. Yes things can happen to electronic writings. Which is why I am now convinced that keeping more than one format is a good way to preserve our journals. I look forward to reading through some of what I have written in the past. There is much that can be learned from looking back at the person we were.

A few days later

So here it is a few days later, I have already fallen into the "not writing on my blog" trap again after one post where I said "It has been a while" Sigh.... Sometimes I don't write because I don't feel like I have anything to say. This is probably true most of the time.... I wonder if that is why Mormon only wrote a "100th" part of the story when he abridged the Book of Mormon. Was the rest of it just mindless drivel like my journals are? I really hope not, but, there has got to be some of what he left out that really has no point. Hopefully if that is the case it is because someone has already said it. Unfortunately I do not think that is the case with my writings. My writings have no point some times simply because they have no point. Like today, the only reason I am writing is so I don't have to say "well it has  been a while, again."
My mother-in-law has been staying with us this week. Yesterday she mentioned that she would like to hear me play and sing. I got the guitar out for the first time in a long time and sat down to play.  

It was nice to sit on the back deck in the middle of July, the weather was very pleasant, and sing and play. Barb took this picture and posted it on Facebook. There have been a lot of comments about it. This is something I enjoy but do not do enough of. I have not taken time for these little pleasures lately. I hope I can follow the council given by President Norquist when he set me apart for my calling in the bishopric to find balance between work, family, calling and time for myself. I have not figured that one out just yet. I am however going to spend the day tomorrow refereeing soccer, something else that I really enjoy. It has been a very nice week. There is a lot going on, but, this week for some reason, I have been able to slow down just a little bit. Tonight I get to go to a concert with Rachel. I don't think I have ever done anything like that with any of my kids. Barb is unable to go because her mom is here, I am excited to go with Rachel. We take her to Utah for school in a month. My how the time flies.

So it has been a while......

Dang, I have already used that title before.... oh well, it has been a while. I was recently reading an article in the Ensign about keeping a journal.... one of the suggestions was to keep a journal by keeping a blog.... made me think of my blog and the fact that it has been a really long time since I have posted anything to it. I am really bad that way, I will make entries in my journal or on my blog and then I will go for a long time and not make any. Sigh, I always have the excuse of how busy things are.... So that isn't really a good excuse, I know.
A brief run down of the summer so far....
Remodel projects, graduation, girls camp, trek, more remodel projects, work, serving in callings.... I could go on and on. Funny story about the latest remodel project. So I am redoing the bathroom in the basement, new shower, new vanity, new sink new toilet, floor, the whole works. The bathroom down stairs has no HVAC vent so in the winter it is cold. That being said, we decide to put a fan/light/heater in the ceiling. This requires a 20 amp circuit, it only has a 15 amp circuit. So, I am pulling new 12 gauge wire from the panel for the 20 amp circuit, this requires the drilling of holes through the floor joists to get the wire where I need it.I cut several holes in the sheet rock.... next time I am just going to tear the sheet rock out, live and learn.... and find that drilling holes is difficult because there isn't a lot of room for the drill / drill bit combo. Anyway, in one particularly tight spot I cannot really see what I am doing as I drill the hole. Good thing that the sister missionaries are present when I do this because I drilled a 3/4" hole through the floor, yes all the way through the new hard wood floor in our living room. I think that the missionaries being there is the only thing that kept Barb from killing me. I know their presence is the only thing that kept me from swearing. Since the sisters were there, all we could do was laugh about it. Right now the rug covers the hole nicely, it is going to be a lot of work to replace the plank with the hole in it, so it may be a while.... Sigh, live an learn, take the sheet rock out so you can see what you are doing, the sheet rock is much easier to fix than the floor. The whole process is teaching us patience, control, skills and a whole lot of other stuff.
I think that another change since the last time that I wrote on my blog is that I am no longer with Aarmac, however, I still work for Robert, Mac and Debbie at the shop. I am now managing the shop so that it can be a profitable operation instead of just a drain. I actually like being at the shop, mostly because there is some variety, and I am not sitting in a cubical all day. I can get out and turn a wrench, drive a truck, mow the weeds and basically get away from my desk from time to time. I have enjoyed it.
So ok, time flies when you are writing on a blog, it need to go. Hopefully I will make more frequent entries.

9.24.13

My oldest daughter turned 18 yesterday. The next one in line turns 16 next month. It is hard to believe that I have kids that old, one on a mission, my youngest on his last year in elementary school. Here is Jacob's latest letter:

Oi minha família!

Hopefully all is well in your various parts of the U.S. Things are well here...I am getting a little antsy to get into the field (though I'm sure that after some time there I will wish I was back here). For those that haven't heard, we got our reassignments yesterday. I am going to the SLC South Mission until I get my visa. I honestly couldn't be anymore excited. The Lord knows me so well and I feel that the SLC South mission is perfect for me. I leave the MTC Tuesday at 5am.

Other than that, not too much to report. We had in-field orientation yesterday, which was a powerful spiritual learning experience. We talked about finding people to teach, faith, working with members, and they had lots of cool objects lessons to demonstrate everything. It was really cool.

We also got to see part of a film by T.C. Christensen and Rob Tanner, who made 17 Miracles. It is called "Ephraim's Rescue." I don't remember when it comes out on DVD so that those who don't live in Utah can see it, but for those that live here, Brother Tanner said that it is in theaters for a short while longer.

So, because everything that we do is rather unchanging, I don't have anything else to report today. Not this Monday but the next will be my next email, and then I will get to tell you what I have done in the field for a few days.

Anyway, I love you all and wish you all well. You are constantly in my prayers.

Até mais!

Elder Jacob C. Frei

He is doing really well, I am glad that he is willing and that he is better prepared than I was. 

Not sure why I thought of my blog today, but thought that I should put something on it.

Sigh....

It has been a while again since I have posted to my blog. Hit and miss, just like with my journal. North Dakota has been very busy this summer. Vacations, soccer tournaments, church calling, home remodeling.... Last week we got through a very cool girls camp. 4 stakes, guest speakers Jeremy Harvey, Hank Smith and Sister Marriott! I got to go to Jamestown Friday night and listen to Sister Marriott, sat right behind her and her husband. Very good. Scout camp is coming up, another big event to celebrate 100 years of Scouting in the church. Multi-stake, have reserved the entire Boy Scout Camp Wilderness in Minnesota. A member of the young men's general presidency, Thurl Bailey and others. Should be very cool.

This week Bishop Lund is out of town on vacation. As 1st councilor in the Bishopric I am presiding over the ward. On Thursday I will be presiding over and conducting a funeral for one of our ward members. I have never met brother Walz, he passed away last Thursday at the age of 67. I had to represent the bishopric at girls camp, Bishop was unable to come due to trying to get everything done at work so that he could go on vacation. He is not going to be able to go to Scout Camp for the full time, hopefully he will be able to come for a couple of days. My experience in the bishopric has been an opportunity to learn and grow. There are so many things that a bishop does in and for the ward that most members do not see. As I try to help where I can I am learning a great deal about ward leadership and how the Lord's kingdom works. I also am learning that my problems and issues are small. It makes me grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

I just updated one of my Cow Chips stories. Fence Jumping. As I was pondering what to say to the youth, something that would help them in their lives, help them to understand how the commandments are a protection and not a restriction I thought of this story and how I can use it to illustrate this point. Like the scriptures, today I have learned something very different from a story that I wrote about a long time ago. I think I may have made the connection between fences and commandments in one of my other stories, but this story seems to be a really good illustration of this concept. There is always something to learn, even if you have read or heard it a 1000 times, you can always learn something new....

Kids are a trial

My kids are trying my patience. Not really sure what to do about it. Jacob is trying my patience the most right now. He wants to go to Utah so he can go on a "Date" with this girl he has become all attached to. He is getting angry about the fact that Barb and I are resisting that, and the his Uncle Allen isn't helping him out either. He wanted to leave to go back to Utah today, Allen doesn't need his help until the end of next week. What he wants to do is take his time going so that he can go on a date with Lexi on the way to St. George. The problem that he isn't taking into consideration is that he has no money, he barley has enough that he could make the trip and go on the date but he has nothing more than that. He can stay here and work and time it so that he is in Southern Utah to help for a couple of weeks before coming back here. The other thing he isn't considering is the fact that he has no money saved for his mission, zero. His mission is going to cost $15 to $20k and he is expecting me to foot the bill so he can go off and play. I am a failure in this area of raising my kids. They should be wanting to make their own way instead of waiting for someone to pay for everything for them. Barb blames me, she is right of course. Now I don't know what to do about it or how to address it.

Lydia is having stress about her soccer team in that her coaches are wanting different things from her that she doesn't think are a good idea. She wants me to get involved by trying to get them to change what they are doing. Having been a coach, I know that this is not going to go over well. I have Lydia and Barb pressuring me to do something, what really needs to happen is that Lydia needs to understand that in life we have to adjust to things, that we cannot always fight what we don't agree with. I want her to learn this lesson in life, that sometimes you may not agree with what is going on, and you may have a better idea, but we also have to respect our leaders and their judgment. I will try and get involved for next year, but I don't feel like there is anything I can do for this year. What needs to happen is such a radical change from what they are doing that I think it would be counter productive to try this late in the season.

Rachel is having stress about a decision about having surgery on her jaw. What they are wanting to do is mostly cosmetic, however, it will help her bite. It is major surgery and will be very miserable for her. I really think that she should not do it, but I am willing to support her in whatever decision she makes. The problem is that she won't make a decision.

Jed is still having issues with his grades. Even after Barb wrote up a contract and had him sign it he is still being lazy about his school work, and seems to still be lying and making excuses about it. I worry about him because I see him doing some of the same stuff Kade did. I am not sure what to do to motivate him, he doesn't seem to be interested in anything useful. I hope I can find some insights.

Josiah is the one who seems to be struggling the least. The issue I am having in regard to him is baseball. He wants to play, but I just can't get into it. I am unfortunately being negative about it and the things that the league is doing to try and force support and raise money. He can tell that Barb and I are not being very supportive of him. I really wish he would have a desire to be involved in a different sport. Barb doesn't hold back any of her dislike of baseball. Both Jed and Josiah are having issues with not having the opportunity to play Rugby. Not sure what to do about that, I would really like to get a club started here.

Sigh, being a parent is not easy.  

Remember Jerry, what Elder Holland said: "Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face.... no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."

I hope I am not whining, I just need to write my thoughts down so that I can get them out of my head where I can examine them. Sometimes for me it takes vocalizing or writing what I am thinking to be able to look at the though clearly. Many times I can see how ridiculous something is as soon as it leaves my mouth or hits the paper. Writing them down also gives me an opportunity think about it and then revisit it later. Hopefully this isn't whining...   

Reflection

A lot has gone on the past 6 months. We have been in Minot about 6 months now, it is hard to believe all that has happened. Today I have been reflecting on the last few months. I knew that at about 6 months my family and I would start to have to deal with some depression. Even knowing that has not stopped it from happening, because we all are. Compounding this is the sheer magnitude of all that has transpired the past year. It was a year ago this month that we were in North Dakota for a visit. I knew at that time that we would be coming. I felt it, it was undeniable. I didn't share this feeling with anyone but I felt it just the same. What I did not realize was the magnitude of all that was going to happen before we left. Mom's cancer and passing was not expected. Adding the move, new job, new callings for Barb and I, new schools for the kids, Jacob going to college and receiving a mission call... oh my! This has been a remarkable year, a year for much growth, a year where the Lord has really tested us. I don't think that he is done with us yet. There is more to come I am sure. I am grateful that my family has been willing to do what the Lord asks. They are all so good, I know that it is hard for them but they are all amazing and will learn and grow from the experience. I am so grateful to be blessed with such a wonderful family. They have their days when I wonder what I am going to with them, but then again, I have my days as well. I love my family and wish the best for them.

It has been a while

A lot has happened. My family and I have moved to Minot North Dakota, I am working for Aarmac Transport as their financial manager. I have been really busy so I haven't written on my blog for some time. Lydia has been talking about some of the fun stories that we have from being here in North Dakota, mostly related to the adjustments that we have to make to the things that are different. She wants to start blogging about them and wanted to create a blog, I told her that we have one which made me think of my blog and the fact that I have not written in a long time.
Last Sunday our ward in Minot was split. They took the two wards on Minot and made three. As a result I was called to be the 1st councilor in the bishopric of the Minot 1st ward. It has been quite an experience so far. We have been working on reorganizing the auxiliaries in the ward since most of them lost people from the presidencies. My life has suddenly become very busy, however, I can already feel the help that the Lord provides to compensate for the business. I was worried that I would not have as much time with my family, so far this week, even though I have been very busy, it feels like I have had more "meaningful" time with each member of my family than ever before. Being involved in reorganizing the ward has been a wonderful experience. Many of the things that I have heard people who serve in these callings say over the years I finally understand. Much of it is impossible to comprehend until you experience it for yourself. The love and concern I feel for people that I do not even know is amazing, I know that as part of my calling that the Savior is sharing his love with me so that I can feel about the members of the ward the way that he feels about them. It is a remarkable and humbling experience.
Today will be the first time in almost 20 years that I will be in a sacrament meeting with my family but not sitting by them. This will be an adjustment for all of us. There is much work to do, and many things that I will have to learn. I am thankful for the trust and confidence that the Lord has placed in my abilities, I feel very inadequate.

Wow!

I was just thinking about the last 3 or so months. I cannot believe what has transpired! The next 2 are going to continue to be crazy with the move. I have the feeling that you get when you start out on a roller coaster, that point when you start to move and you know you can't get off, all you can do is ride it out. My life feels like that right now, I am moving and there is no getting off. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a bad thing, just a little overwhelming at times. I leave for Minot on Friday. I need to find a home that we can move into so that our family can be in Minot before Christmas. The next month is going to be one crazy ride! It is exciting and scary all at the same time.

Moving Forward

Today I feel better about moving. I am actually getting some things done that needed to be done. I got a Wells Fargo account set up, and checked with a friend about securing a home loan for a new place in Minot. He told me what I already knew, that borrowing the down payment form my home in Santa Clara to purchase a home in Minot makes the most sense. He even thought that I may be able to borrow 100% for the new home so that I will be able to pay off the short term loan on the home here. I hope so, I don't really like the idea of having both tied up with loans. I need to go and check on that with Zions and see what they can do for me. It is hard to believe that I will be heading to Minot next weekend. It will be nice to get started and get some of the questions that I have sorted out. Barb is wanting to know the plan, I don't really have a complete plan, just sort of an outline. That isn't good enough to put my wife at ease.

Miss Mom

I miss mom. She passed away a week ago today peacefully in my brother's home after a short battle with a recurrence of the thyroid cancer she had 7 years ago. I have been at peace with it all, but it doesn't make me miss her any less. My family was able to spend some quality time with mom for family home evening Monday before she passed away. Rachel and Lydia played a violin flute duet for her and then played several songs from the primary song book. They played for about an hour, although I don't know that mom was very responsive I am sure she was aware of them playing and enjoyed it. She loves music. After talking things over with dad and my brother  we gave her a blessing reassuring her that we will take care of dad and that it was ok for her to move on. It was a very tender experience as I hugged her, told her I love you and had her be aware enough to respond with I love you back. My family was able to say goodbye... it was a very tender moment where the Spirit was very strong. Wednesday morning was not a surprise when I got a text message saying "Come home". Mom's funeral was a very fitting tribute to her, Jayne, Lyndi, Allen and Brett Smith spoke, Rachel and Lydia did their duet, I sang and Julie Weist sang. It was short and sweet and I feel that mom was pleased. Dad is having a hard time which is to be expected. My news that I am moving to North Dakota had poor timing with everything that was going on and didn't help him much. I am having a hard time coming to grips with the move today, I am excited and scared all at the same time. There is so much to do and I will be in North Dakota where I won't be any help to Barb with packing up. I have to be on a plane on the 9th of November so that I can start work on the 12th. Things are really going to get crazy.

"You're so much handsome now dad"

I put a new picture of myself on my blog.... Rachel had me go look at it, then she asked me to scroll down to look at the old one. She started laughing, I was so round in the face in the old one. She is still laughing.... she said "You're so much handsome now dad". I don't know how to take that! She tried to save face by saying "you were handsome before, we didn't notice that you were so... dorky" trying to make me feel better. Sometimes I don't know how to take my teenagers. She is still laughing....

Crazy

Things are really crazy! Shortly after mom and dad's home flooded dad was admitted to the hospital. He had 3 stints put in, and while there passed out and flat lined. It was really scary for a couple of days, we are glad that he is home now. Mom has actually been improving the last couple of days. She still can't walk but she has been feeling well enough to actually admit that she feels better. The farm and cows are busier than ever, I am refereeing soccer, Barb is going to school and DJB is moving to a new location.... Whew! I have not had any spare time lately with all that is going on and actually once again forgot about my blog. I was reading Jacob's blog which is what me remember that it has been a long time since I have written. I really don't have anything profound to say. Our family is really busy right now. Jacob will be home tomorrow for fall break, Rachel is refereeing soccer and teaching violin. Lydia is playing soccer, they are region champs! Jed has been taking over for Jacob with mowing lawns. Josiah is spending more and more time with his friends, he has become a very social person. Barb is getting settled into her classes and figuring out her professors.

What a mess

The last two days I have spent trying to sort through and clean up the mess caused when my parent's home was flooded. The Laub pond dam, dike, levy whatever you call it breached when the water level got high enough that water was flooding the playing field next to SCMS. I have never seen more than 3 or 4 feet of water behind that dam. Anyway, there was a large amount of water that came down upon the homes in Santa Clara, one of them being the home of my parents. We always wondered what we would do with all of the stuff in Mom's basement, however, hauling it out into a giant pile on the back lawn and throwing the majority of it into a dumpster was not one of the scenarios that we thought about. Mom and dad's home is situated in a spot that no one ever thought that it would be affected by a flood. The blessing that comes from it all is that, one, the basement is cleared out and two, dad is considering other options besides staying in the home with mom even though they can no longer take care of each other due to mom's decline in health.
I am grateful for all of the people who came to help. Many I know, some I do not, it doesn't matter, they came and helped. We live in such a wonderful community, watching the thousands of people converging on the area to help everyone dig out is just amazing.
Dealing with the aftermath has been taxing. I really didn't have a whole lot in mom's basement that was "mine", my sister had a lot of stuff, mom and dad had 43-44 years of stuff and there was a lot of stuff that came from my grandma's. Seeing all that was lost or destroyed was difficult. I feel for those who lost so much more. Some of the homes will have to be torn down. Few had flood insurance. Many are devastated. I always thought "It's just stuff". Now I know that the "stuff" has meaning and memories attached to it. Hardest for me was seeing Patti's room that has been mostly untouched since she was killed gutted and stripped clean, finding her stuff in the pile and seeing much of it unsalvagable. Hard is the only word that comes to mind to describe it.

Soccer Ref

I refereed my first 3 soccer games last Saturday. It was a blast! I am glad that they gave me the younger kids on the smaller fields to start, I am still sore today. I had the U9 girls who are playing with a keeper for the first time. I had to help them out with the new keeper position a little, they also were not used to goal or corner kicks and throw ins since they are done differently at the younger ages. Still it was a blast. Rachel was one of my ARs and Justine a girl I coached with Kyle was the other. The biggest problem that I has was that I wanted to coach them instead of be the referee.

Cow Chips: Jumping Cow

Sometime after we had the experience with the calf that liked to jump fences we encountered a cow that I named Jumping Cow. This cow was a little skittish and whenever you got too close to her she would go find a fence to jump over, usually causing a lot of damage and you guessed it, a lot of swearing. Most of the time when you have a cow like this they will settle down and not be as bad after a while. Not this cow, it seems that the more time that passed the worse she got, she got to the point that when you drove up to feed the cows she would start looking for a fence to jump over. Her calf was starting to learn the art of jumping as well so we promptly weaned the calf to get it away from its mother’s influence.

At one point this particular cow jumped one fence too many and got on my brother’s nerves for the last time, he called a local butcher and set up an appointment with the Jumping Cow. When I was a kid I remember more than one cow that we took to visit “Uncle Lewis” or Lewis Meats that local meat packing company that was near our home. Unfortunately Uncle Lewis has gone When the butcher went to shot this particular cow the first shot did not kill her. She almost jumped out of the corral before he could shoot her again. This time the cow did not learn to not jump fences and she ended up as hamburger in our freezers.

The thing that made me decide to include this story is what happened later. I was helping my wife make meat loaf for Sunday dinner and as she looked at me with my hands in the mixture of meat loaf I had a funny little smirk on my face. Of course she wanted to know what the smirk was about so I explained that I was enjoying making a meat loaf out of this miserable pain in the neck cow. I was also thinking about how good she was going to taste and the satisfaction that I was going to feel being able to eat her. It was a very good meat loaf and very satisfying. I made sure to let everyone who ate any part of that cow after that know it was “Jumping Cow”. Right now I wish we had another unruly cow since the meat in my freezer is not as plentiful and defiantly doesn’t taste as good as this particular cow did.