Time Flies!

Wow, I cannot believe how long it has been since I last wrote. Things get busy and time slips past. Barbie has gone to California to see her grandmother who is not doing so well. She has lung cancer. The last couple of days leading up to her departure today has been very busy. I finally took her to a movie after Spanish class last night. We went to see City of Ember. It was nothing like the book, and somewhat disappointing. Barbie and I had the whole theater to ourselves. We didn't know what to think, I have never had that happen before. We didn't even make out, seems like a shame to waste the opportunity. (Barbie and I are just not like that, she thinks making out is gross. I agree especially when it is in a public place, even if we are alone.) The next couple of days are going to be crazy. Barbie does a ton of stuff everyday, I am only trying to do part of what she does and I am overwhelmed by it. The next two days are going to be extra hectic with Halloween and all.

I really don't have much to say tonight, I miss Barbie, I was starting to miss her before she even left. I left to go to work this morning before she left and felt very strongly that I shouldn't have. I took care of one thing at work and turned around and came home. I am glad I did. Barbie was very sad when I left, I could sense it. I was able to help her work out a couple of things for her trip. Her sister said that there were no hotel rooms available, so I made a phone call and reserved a room for her. Thinking back on it I don't think that Barb would have got a room if I had done it for her. Reserving the room was only part of it. I was then able to convince my father-in-law to take our van instead of his truck with a camper. Barbie tried this as well, but failed. I am glad I was able to convince them to take the van, I am certain that their trip will be much more pleasant.

It has been a long time since I just took charge and did anything like the movie, or getting a room, or convincing someone to alter their plans. Or, like the pictures, learned to play the guitar, or gone to a ward Valentine dance with my wife. Barb pointed out recently that I am not the same confident take charge person that she married. After getting mad about her pointing that out I realized that she was right. I have determined to stop taking no for an answer, and to stop giving up without even trying like I have been doing lately. The last couple of days since I decided this have been great. I feel like myself again, I feel the confidence, the drive to succeed that has been missing. Barbie has noticed as well. It is a good feeling.

Busy

This has been a busy week. My boss has been here from Salt Lake, he just went back this morning. I drove up through Milford today, long drive. We went and watched Jacob's last football game of the season, they won 12 to 7 over Dixie. It was a really good game. Barb has been going 6 ways from Sunday with all that she has going on. I have not had too much time to blog the last few days. It is late tonight, so I won't say much other than things are really busy right now. I don't think that we are going to slow down much this weekend either. There is a lot going on!

Peace

This weekend has been a very good one for me. It is interesting how you don't realize what a mess your head is until it clears. I am so glad that Barbie was able to help me clear my head on Thursday. I did not realized how truly crippled my thinking was.
My lesson in Elders Quorum yesterday went better than it has in a long time. My ability to feel and follow the prompting of the Spirit was far better than I have experienced in at least a couple of months. I guess Joseph Smith's experience when he was translating applies to us all. He and Emma had a disagreement, he could not translate until he had gone down and made things right with his wife. I experienced the same thing this last week. I have been struggling, especially with my Elders Quorum lesson coming up and 2 or 3 previous ones. I couldn't figure out why I was having such a hard time. Now I understand, I was not thinking right or clearly. My relationship with my wife was strained because of the mess my head was in. I could not get the guidance that I so desperately need when teaching these lessons because I needed to make things right, in my head, and especially with my wife.
This weekend has been a great one. I didn't realize how much I rely on the Spirit for these lessons, I also didn't realize how much I rely on the Spirit for the everyday things in my life. I am so thankful that I was able to make things right last week. It is truly a good feeling. I am once again reminded how good my sweet wife if for me. I really don't know what I would do without her there to help me work through the trials in my life. She can see clearly when I cannot see myself.

Clear mind again!

Yesterday the battle raging inside my head came to a climax. Yesterday afternoon the first two lines from a hymn kept coming into my mind, plowing through all of the turmoil that was going on in my head, the crazy thoughts, the ridiculous arguments..."Where will I turn for peace? Where is my solace." Along with these words came the thought, you have to have a talk with your wife. This morning I woke up at about 3:30 am knowing that I needed to Talk to Barb. I Spent a fitful 2 hours until she woke, and another 1/2 hour until I got the nerve to talk to her. 2 hours later, after eating a lot of humble pie, my head is clear. The crazy thoughts that have been rampaging are gone. The enemy is subdued and has been driven back once again. Good has over come evil in my behalf once more. I am so thankful for my wife, for her patience, and her ability to tell me what I need to hear even when I don't want to hear it. She helped me partake of the atonement this morning, helped me to accept the helping hand that Jesus Christ has extended to each of us at all times.
As I listened to the hymn Where will I Turn for Peace over and over again this morning, I was overcome with emotion. Being able to think clearly today has been wonderful! It is the first time in almost 2 months! This battle in my mind has been going on and building to the point yesterday where some of my thought patterns were starting to scare me. What happened yesterday afternoon and this morning is truly one of the Lord's tender mercies, I don't think I could have made it through another day. Barbie said that she could see the difference in my countenance this morning after our talk. I can feel the difference in my soul.

Spanish class is over

Now that Spanish class is over, I have lost the train of thought that I was following in my last post. Even after re-reading it I cannot follow where my thoughts at that time were going. It is one of those times when a train of thought has been derailed off of its tracks by a time restraint that would not allow it to continue.
I have found it interesting the last couple of weeks as I have tried to direct my thoughts away from work when I am not at work that there is a lot of things going on in my head. I have had a couple of break throughs in understanding myself, some of my motivations, as well as some of my short comings. I suppose that I have always been somewhat aware that they were there, I simply have not allowed myself to think about them. By not thinking about them I have let some things go on for a far longer time than I should have. I have also short changed myself in other areas by not pursuing the motivations that could have driven me forward. The counsel to find time to think and ponder, to sit quietly and listen for the promptings of the Spirit is wise counsel indeed. My time spent in the temple each week since Barb and I have been called as temple patrons has allowed me to have this pondering time. I am starting to realize that the short amount of time at the temple is not enough and have lately been turning off the radio in my truck as I drive more and more often. I do a lot of driving, and driving is a time I can spend pondering. Things are busy enough that finding time is difficult, so turning the radio off has been a great way to provide this ponder time. I have found that it is difficult to keep my mind from wandering around, however, the more time I have spent trying to focus, the easier it has been getting. As is the case with everything else, practise makes perfect. I am hoping that writing some of my thoughts down will help me to sort them all out so that I can make sense of them.

Still Burdened

If you read my post yesterday, you can see that my mind is full and my thoughts jump around. As I went to and participated at the temple this morning my mind was once again full of random thoughts. I am still feeling burdened. The feeling that I felt when I started going to the temple in the morning once a week is still there. Now, however, there are more thoughts, which in turn causes me more confusion trying to understand what the feeling of a great burden means and why I am aware of it now when I wasn't before. I am aware of an opposition that I haven't felt, the likes of before. There seems to be a great interest from the unseen world in distracting me. It is making it hard to sort out what all this means. I am also concerned about some of the ideas that have been forming in my head. I know they are from Satan because no good result will come from following them. They are mixed in with other ideas and understandings of a spiritual nature. It is as if a great battle is going on in my head for my very soul. Unfortunately I don't have time to elaborate on any of it, and I am quite sure my train of thought that I have going right now will not last until later. If I don't get going I am going to be late getting to the Spanish class that Barb and I are taking. I guess the point of this post is described in the title of it, I still feel burdened, the feeling is intensifying.

It has been a day or two.

I'm not doing a very good job of posting on my blog. I was going to use my blog as a journal, trying to recommit myself to writing in my journal. The last couple of days have been somewhat uneventful for me. The excitement of the weekend was getting a new bishopric. Lance Rigby is the new bishop, Dave Leavitt is the first counselor and Rick Georosoli is the second counselor. Barb knew it was Lance about 2 weeks ago. She is always in tune that way. I was still guessing until they announced it. An interesting note, not that it means anything, Dave is our home teacher, (Dave and I have been friends since we were kids) Jacob and I are Rick's home teacher, and I was Lance's home teacher for about a year. The connection I have with the new bishopric is interesting. I also had another interesting thought that goes against what I was thinking would happen. I believe Dave is the oldest one of the three. I was thinking that the new bishopric would be older. Barb and I were discussing this and between the two of us have come to the conclusion that the kids in the ward need younger leadership. The kids today do not "conform" to the "expectations" of the older generation like we were expected to when we were kids. It is defiantly a different generation that we are dealing with, not only the youth, but the primary kids. Teachers and leaders need to be relaxed. If I was a teacher in a school class room I would expect the kids to "toe the line". Barb and I have come to the conclusion that this type of "control" or "expectations" doesn't work with this generation. Maybe that is why the new bishopric is younger.
Well, today is a good example of the random stuff floating around in my head on any given day. As you can see, there isn't too much going on in my head that is of a profound or useful nature. That is one of the reasons that I don't write sometimes. I did sit down over the weekend to write, but the ideas in my head at the time seemed so meaningless that I felt that it was a waste of time to write them down. When I write I feel as if I should be writing something meaningful, and do not want to bore a reader with the random stuff in my head. I don't know if this is the way I should be thinking about it or not. According to Mr. Kelsch, the thinkshed is for all thoughts, however random. I have a hard time doing that sometimes. May be I just don't want people to consider sending someone with a little white jacket that laces up the back to come get me. There are times when I can't make sense of what is going on in my head, and it is my head! Okay, enough rambling for one day.