Sigh....

It has been a while again since I have posted to my blog. Hit and miss, just like with my journal. North Dakota has been very busy this summer. Vacations, soccer tournaments, church calling, home remodeling.... Last week we got through a very cool girls camp. 4 stakes, guest speakers Jeremy Harvey, Hank Smith and Sister Marriott! I got to go to Jamestown Friday night and listen to Sister Marriott, sat right behind her and her husband. Very good. Scout camp is coming up, another big event to celebrate 100 years of Scouting in the church. Multi-stake, have reserved the entire Boy Scout Camp Wilderness in Minnesota. A member of the young men's general presidency, Thurl Bailey and others. Should be very cool.

This week Bishop Lund is out of town on vacation. As 1st councilor in the Bishopric I am presiding over the ward. On Thursday I will be presiding over and conducting a funeral for one of our ward members. I have never met brother Walz, he passed away last Thursday at the age of 67. I had to represent the bishopric at girls camp, Bishop was unable to come due to trying to get everything done at work so that he could go on vacation. He is not going to be able to go to Scout Camp for the full time, hopefully he will be able to come for a couple of days. My experience in the bishopric has been an opportunity to learn and grow. There are so many things that a bishop does in and for the ward that most members do not see. As I try to help where I can I am learning a great deal about ward leadership and how the Lord's kingdom works. I also am learning that my problems and issues are small. It makes me grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

I just updated one of my Cow Chips stories. Fence Jumping. As I was pondering what to say to the youth, something that would help them in their lives, help them to understand how the commandments are a protection and not a restriction I thought of this story and how I can use it to illustrate this point. Like the scriptures, today I have learned something very different from a story that I wrote about a long time ago. I think I may have made the connection between fences and commandments in one of my other stories, but this story seems to be a really good illustration of this concept. There is always something to learn, even if you have read or heard it a 1000 times, you can always learn something new....

Kids are a trial

My kids are trying my patience. Not really sure what to do about it. Jacob is trying my patience the most right now. He wants to go to Utah so he can go on a "Date" with this girl he has become all attached to. He is getting angry about the fact that Barb and I are resisting that, and the his Uncle Allen isn't helping him out either. He wanted to leave to go back to Utah today, Allen doesn't need his help until the end of next week. What he wants to do is take his time going so that he can go on a date with Lexi on the way to St. George. The problem that he isn't taking into consideration is that he has no money, he barley has enough that he could make the trip and go on the date but he has nothing more than that. He can stay here and work and time it so that he is in Southern Utah to help for a couple of weeks before coming back here. The other thing he isn't considering is the fact that he has no money saved for his mission, zero. His mission is going to cost $15 to $20k and he is expecting me to foot the bill so he can go off and play. I am a failure in this area of raising my kids. They should be wanting to make their own way instead of waiting for someone to pay for everything for them. Barb blames me, she is right of course. Now I don't know what to do about it or how to address it.

Lydia is having stress about her soccer team in that her coaches are wanting different things from her that she doesn't think are a good idea. She wants me to get involved by trying to get them to change what they are doing. Having been a coach, I know that this is not going to go over well. I have Lydia and Barb pressuring me to do something, what really needs to happen is that Lydia needs to understand that in life we have to adjust to things, that we cannot always fight what we don't agree with. I want her to learn this lesson in life, that sometimes you may not agree with what is going on, and you may have a better idea, but we also have to respect our leaders and their judgment. I will try and get involved for next year, but I don't feel like there is anything I can do for this year. What needs to happen is such a radical change from what they are doing that I think it would be counter productive to try this late in the season.

Rachel is having stress about a decision about having surgery on her jaw. What they are wanting to do is mostly cosmetic, however, it will help her bite. It is major surgery and will be very miserable for her. I really think that she should not do it, but I am willing to support her in whatever decision she makes. The problem is that she won't make a decision.

Jed is still having issues with his grades. Even after Barb wrote up a contract and had him sign it he is still being lazy about his school work, and seems to still be lying and making excuses about it. I worry about him because I see him doing some of the same stuff Kade did. I am not sure what to do to motivate him, he doesn't seem to be interested in anything useful. I hope I can find some insights.

Josiah is the one who seems to be struggling the least. The issue I am having in regard to him is baseball. He wants to play, but I just can't get into it. I am unfortunately being negative about it and the things that the league is doing to try and force support and raise money. He can tell that Barb and I are not being very supportive of him. I really wish he would have a desire to be involved in a different sport. Barb doesn't hold back any of her dislike of baseball. Both Jed and Josiah are having issues with not having the opportunity to play Rugby. Not sure what to do about that, I would really like to get a club started here.

Sigh, being a parent is not easy.  

Remember Jerry, what Elder Holland said: "Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face.... no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."

I hope I am not whining, I just need to write my thoughts down so that I can get them out of my head where I can examine them. Sometimes for me it takes vocalizing or writing what I am thinking to be able to look at the though clearly. Many times I can see how ridiculous something is as soon as it leaves my mouth or hits the paper. Writing them down also gives me an opportunity think about it and then revisit it later. Hopefully this isn't whining...   

Reflection

A lot has gone on the past 6 months. We have been in Minot about 6 months now, it is hard to believe all that has happened. Today I have been reflecting on the last few months. I knew that at about 6 months my family and I would start to have to deal with some depression. Even knowing that has not stopped it from happening, because we all are. Compounding this is the sheer magnitude of all that has transpired the past year. It was a year ago this month that we were in North Dakota for a visit. I knew at that time that we would be coming. I felt it, it was undeniable. I didn't share this feeling with anyone but I felt it just the same. What I did not realize was the magnitude of all that was going to happen before we left. Mom's cancer and passing was not expected. Adding the move, new job, new callings for Barb and I, new schools for the kids, Jacob going to college and receiving a mission call... oh my! This has been a remarkable year, a year for much growth, a year where the Lord has really tested us. I don't think that he is done with us yet. There is more to come I am sure. I am grateful that my family has been willing to do what the Lord asks. They are all so good, I know that it is hard for them but they are all amazing and will learn and grow from the experience. I am so grateful to be blessed with such a wonderful family. They have their days when I wonder what I am going to with them, but then again, I have my days as well. I love my family and wish the best for them.

It has been a while

A lot has happened. My family and I have moved to Minot North Dakota, I am working for Aarmac Transport as their financial manager. I have been really busy so I haven't written on my blog for some time. Lydia has been talking about some of the fun stories that we have from being here in North Dakota, mostly related to the adjustments that we have to make to the things that are different. She wants to start blogging about them and wanted to create a blog, I told her that we have one which made me think of my blog and the fact that I have not written in a long time.
Last Sunday our ward in Minot was split. They took the two wards on Minot and made three. As a result I was called to be the 1st councilor in the bishopric of the Minot 1st ward. It has been quite an experience so far. We have been working on reorganizing the auxiliaries in the ward since most of them lost people from the presidencies. My life has suddenly become very busy, however, I can already feel the help that the Lord provides to compensate for the business. I was worried that I would not have as much time with my family, so far this week, even though I have been very busy, it feels like I have had more "meaningful" time with each member of my family than ever before. Being involved in reorganizing the ward has been a wonderful experience. Many of the things that I have heard people who serve in these callings say over the years I finally understand. Much of it is impossible to comprehend until you experience it for yourself. The love and concern I feel for people that I do not even know is amazing, I know that as part of my calling that the Savior is sharing his love with me so that I can feel about the members of the ward the way that he feels about them. It is a remarkable and humbling experience.
Today will be the first time in almost 20 years that I will be in a sacrament meeting with my family but not sitting by them. This will be an adjustment for all of us. There is much work to do, and many things that I will have to learn. I am thankful for the trust and confidence that the Lord has placed in my abilities, I feel very inadequate.

Wow!

I was just thinking about the last 3 or so months. I cannot believe what has transpired! The next 2 are going to continue to be crazy with the move. I have the feeling that you get when you start out on a roller coaster, that point when you start to move and you know you can't get off, all you can do is ride it out. My life feels like that right now, I am moving and there is no getting off. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a bad thing, just a little overwhelming at times. I leave for Minot on Friday. I need to find a home that we can move into so that our family can be in Minot before Christmas. The next month is going to be one crazy ride! It is exciting and scary all at the same time.

Moving Forward

Today I feel better about moving. I am actually getting some things done that needed to be done. I got a Wells Fargo account set up, and checked with a friend about securing a home loan for a new place in Minot. He told me what I already knew, that borrowing the down payment form my home in Santa Clara to purchase a home in Minot makes the most sense. He even thought that I may be able to borrow 100% for the new home so that I will be able to pay off the short term loan on the home here. I hope so, I don't really like the idea of having both tied up with loans. I need to go and check on that with Zions and see what they can do for me. It is hard to believe that I will be heading to Minot next weekend. It will be nice to get started and get some of the questions that I have sorted out. Barb is wanting to know the plan, I don't really have a complete plan, just sort of an outline. That isn't good enough to put my wife at ease.

Miss Mom

I miss mom. She passed away a week ago today peacefully in my brother's home after a short battle with a recurrence of the thyroid cancer she had 7 years ago. I have been at peace with it all, but it doesn't make me miss her any less. My family was able to spend some quality time with mom for family home evening Monday before she passed away. Rachel and Lydia played a violin flute duet for her and then played several songs from the primary song book. They played for about an hour, although I don't know that mom was very responsive I am sure she was aware of them playing and enjoyed it. She loves music. After talking things over with dad and my brother  we gave her a blessing reassuring her that we will take care of dad and that it was ok for her to move on. It was a very tender experience as I hugged her, told her I love you and had her be aware enough to respond with I love you back. My family was able to say goodbye... it was a very tender moment where the Spirit was very strong. Wednesday morning was not a surprise when I got a text message saying "Come home". Mom's funeral was a very fitting tribute to her, Jayne, Lyndi, Allen and Brett Smith spoke, Rachel and Lydia did their duet, I sang and Julie Weist sang. It was short and sweet and I feel that mom was pleased. Dad is having a hard time which is to be expected. My news that I am moving to North Dakota had poor timing with everything that was going on and didn't help him much. I am having a hard time coming to grips with the move today, I am excited and scared all at the same time. There is so much to do and I will be in North Dakota where I won't be any help to Barb with packing up. I have to be on a plane on the 9th of November so that I can start work on the 12th. Things are really going to get crazy.