Going north for Thanksgiving

We are going to be going to Brigham City for Thanksgiving. Barbie is more excited than anyone I think. She is enjoying being able to tell everyone that she will be out of town for Thanksgiving. The last time that we went to Brigham City for Thanksgiving we went to Cache Valley, found a house and bought it. That is not in the plans this time, I mention it only because it seems as if it was so long ago. It is amazing how fast 5 or 6 years go by! The last few month have been really hard for Barb and I. There are some things that both of us have been working through in our personal lives and in our relationship. It is interesting that these issues have come up now and not sooner. If we would have tried to work out some of them earlier in our marriage, I am not sure we would have made it through. This is mostly due to the fact that I deal with things much better now that I used to. It has taken a long time for me to get to a point that I can talk about something that is difficult without flying off of the handle. I have matured in that way a great deal over the last 15 years. It is a good thing. I love my wife very much, I want to do all that I can to work through the bumps that we are going through right now. It has been an interesting experience for me, as each issue comes up and is dealt with. They are not all coming out at once, but seem to be coming to our attention in a specific order making it so we can deal with each one as it comes. We are going to make it through, we love each other, there are just things that we have never dealt with over the course of the last 15 years.

Hmmmm

Barb and I finished our Spanish class that we were taking together. The instructor said that they are not going to extend it, for another 6 weeks. What a bummer. It has been fun going to class with my sweetie for the last 3 months, it gives us some time away from the kids. We made a "hot date" out of it and went to Walmart afterward. Whoot whoot! We did have a long talk in the truck afterward. There has been a lot of things going on in our lives the last little while, it was nice to sit and talk about some of what has been happening.
I have been a lot busier at work the last couple of weeks, it has made things very hectic. The holidays are bearing down on us now, I cannot believe how fast the days are going by. There has been a lot of stuff to think about today, after my conversation with my wife I have been in a reflective mind set. As is always the case there are bumps to smooth out in our relationship. I have been pondering what I need to do to help with that process.
I guess in reality it is not something I want to put out there into cyber space, so I will say that I have been thinking about my relationship with my wife today, and leave it at that.

Holy cow!

This month has been a blur! I don't know where it has gone. I spent the first part of this week in Salt Lake for work. With Barb being gone and then me being gone and everything else that has been going on I have not been able to slow down. Work has been a lot busier the last little while, that is a good thing! I still cannot believe that it is the middle of November already. I am not making much sense, but wanted to explain that I have not been writing because it has been busy! Monday before I left for SLC Barb and I had a discussion. The details are not so important, the conclusion is. We made a covenant between us and God that we would bear with patience our trial and do so without murmuring about it. Most of our trials at this time are related to our living in southern Utah near family. There is a lot of stress, especially with my family. There has always been tension in my family, now it is worse than ever. Barb and I once again have accepted that the Lord wants us here, for whatever reason, and that we are going to be here until that reason no longer exists. So, we are going to submit to His will, and we are not going to complain about it, keeping a hope in our hearts that someday, like Alma's people, we will be delivered. We both believe the deliverance will come in the form of a move away from this area. Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful area to live, we have so many blessings here. Barbie has an adventurous spirit, and we feel that at some point if we are trying to do the Lord's will, that He will have need for us somewhere else. Living in Cache Valley was a wonderful experience for us, we loved it there. That isn't to say that there were not trials, there were, but we felt that we were supposed to be there and that made them easier to bear. We feel that we were supposed to move back here, and we feel that like it or not, we are supposed to still be here for now. That is enough, if the Lord wants us here we can be happy here. Well, I am rambling on and making no sense. I guess that is all for now.

An argument with myself.

Today was fast Sunday. I got up early today in an effort to get to church on time. With Barb gone, there was a lot to do. Getting up early, and the fact that my body aches in the morning more than it used to did not leave me in a particularly good mood. I was thinking about it being fast Sunday, but had no intention of bearing my testimony. I have been feeling battered in my testimony lately, during the last few months, I have been questioning portions of my testimony that I have never questioned before. I did not feel like I was in a particularly spiritual mood this morning.
Sitting in the chapel waiting for sacrament meeting to start I contemplated my testimony and why I did not want to share it today. My main argument was that I was in a crabby mood, but my questioning of different aspects of my testimony lately contributed to my lack of desire to share it. As I was going over this President Graf walked in and took the stand. This was my final argument for not sharing my testimony, I did not feel I could possibly have anything worth sharing in front of the stake president. This is when I got the impression that I should share it, starting the argument in my head. I went back over my reasons for not sharing my testimony today, adding that I did last month to the argument. I then had several thoughts come into my mind. The first was that sharing testimony was like prayer, if I did not want to, it was a very good indication that I should. I also have it in my head from somewhere that bearing testimony will help us be forgiven of our sins. My thoughts then went back over some of my recent trials with different aspects of my testimony. I realized that Satan has been systematically attacking many different aspects of my testimony over the last several months. Each portion of my testimony has been attacked, and tried. I would win a battle, only to have an attack from a different angle. It has been taking a spiritual toll on me to fight all of these battles. So far I have been victorious, even though many times lately I have been beaten down until I have cried out to the Lord saying "I can't take any more! Please spare me!" I have felt the loving arms of my Savior wrapped around me to lift me up and help me make it through on more than one occasion. I learned how, if I reach out to the Savior that he will reach out and help me up, carry me when necessary, and give me strength for the next battle that comes. I could no longer hold my seat, I had to get up and share my testimony about my experiences, and about the Saviors love.
This is about the time that I realized that these trials of our testimony are what cause some to fall. Even people like Oliver Cowdry, or Martin Harris succumbed to this type of trial. I realized that everyone would have to be tried like this. Some of us will have to go through it over and over. Some will fall. Some will never come back. My emotions were out of control, I could feel the Saviors love as I shared my testimony. It was a great testimony meeting. It has turned my Sunday from a crabby one to a very spiritual one. I feel revitalized and ready to face another week.