Deep thoughts for a shallow mind.

Sometimes the answers to your prayers come, and it isn't what you want to hear. The last 4 or so years the Lord has been trying to teach me something. The lesson is just barely starting to settle into my thick skull. I am not sure I have learned enough at this point to be able to explain what has been going on with me. My last entry talked about learning about one of my "stumbling blocks". There is more to it than that. As I sat and listened to the Priesthood session of conference over the weekend, I realized that what President Uchtdorf was saying was an answer to the prayers that I have been saying for the last 4 years. Imagine my amazement when President Eyring's address was more of the same, and President Monson continued along the same lines. "Stand close, and lift where you stand". This is for me. Don't like it very much, it hits too close to home. I am going to have to re-read these talks before I am able to fully digest what they have to say to me. This may be a topic that I should not be writing about. As I sit here trying to gather my thoughts, my train of thought on the subject is gone. Is it possible that I am not supposed to share my experience in this format? Am I not supposed to share it at all? Or is it that I am trying to share it before I fully understand it myself? I guess that I will leave the subject for another day. All I can think to say about it at this time is that I am learning things about myself that I really do not want to address. It is not a pleasant experience. However, I know that it is something that I must deal with or my eternal progression could remain stalled right where I am for a long time to come. I get the feeling that I have reached a point in my life where I either have to face and overcome some of my Goliaths, or I will forever be damned by them. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about any serious misdeed or sin. I am talking about some of my personal character flaws that are preventing me from moving any further forward than I am right now. They are "holding me back".

Switching gears a little bit, I found when I got into my truck this afternoon that there were some things missing. I left my truck unlocked over the weekend, mistake I know, and found today that there were some items missing. Nothing that amounts to any significant amount of money. A USB thumb drive, a calculator, and a cable to plug my MP3 player into my stereo. The kind of stuff that kids would take. What has the world come to? Why would someone steal such items? Actually there was other stuff in my truck that was not taken. Is the $40 or $50 dollars worth of stuff taken worth it? How often are any of us taking a little something here, or something else there? Would these items have been taken if the person taking them would have stopped and thought about the eternal consequences of their actions? How often do we all do things that if we really stopped to think about it, we would think twice about it. Barb has been reading some books that talk about self betrayal, and what that self betrayal causes us to do. I read one of them; reading it is part of what caused me to realize some of what I am discovering about myself the last little while. I have not been brave enough to read the other one. Barb said that there has been more than once that she wanted to throw the book across the room. Knowing myself, I might actually throw it! I am going to have to read the book, I'm not looking forward to it.