Reflections

Have you ever had a time in your life where you are shown all of your weakness, insecurities, short comings and faults? If there were ever a time that I have experienced this, it is right now. In the last 6 weeks or so I have had many of my less desirable qualities brought to my attention. No it is not a pleasant experience. The hard part of it all is that it still happening. The last 2 days have been especially hard. I feel as if I am being humbled into the dirt right now. In the process I am learning a lot about myself that I don't really want to think about.
I am not making a lot of sense, partly because I do not have the time to explain all that I have been going through. Last Monday was one of the biggest discoveries for me. A reference in my patriarchal blessing about being a leader in the community and in the church is a monumental stumbling block for me. I realized on Monday that it has made me critical of a lot of people that I should not be criticising. It has also caused me to be judgmental, in that I think that my way would be better. This applies everywhere, work, family, friends, community, church, and many other situations. It is an ugly discovery to have about ones self.
Yesterday I actually sat down and figured out on paper some not so nice things about my job. It threw me into a depression about work that I am not sure that I will recover from. Long story short, I would be making twice as much money if I would have continued working as a mechanic. I realized yesterday that the 7 years of college to get my degree was a waste of time and money as far as my current employment goes. The mechanic who works "for" me makes twice as much as I do, and he has a company truck to drive around that he doesn't have to spend one dime of his own money on. Again, it was an ugly realization.
Okay, I am going to stop now. I have no intention of delving any deeper into this subject in a blog, so enough of the sour grapes.